Red State/Blue State
Great thoughts from celebs on political endorsements
DAVE SIMPSON & GREG BEAN

A political discussion between Red State conservative Dave Simpson - a former reporter, editor, publisher and columnist - and Greg Bean, Blue Stater and executive editor of Greater Media Newspapers. Let us know what you think.

Dear Greg:

The Red States are abuzz this week over news that Sean Penn has endorsed Your Guy Dennis Kucinich for president.

(I know you don't like it when I call all Democratic candidates "Your Guy" or "Your Gal," but if you expect me to defend everything Mike Huckabee ever said, I get to do the same.)

I'm sure Iowans were waiting with bated breath to hear who Penn, bosom buddy of Venezuelan strongman Hugo Chavez, thinks should be our president. You'll recall that two weeks ago, Venezuelan voters had the good sense to reject Chavez's bid to become president for life, and now we'll see if Iowa caucus voters have as much on the ball.

Maybe Penn likes the idea of making Kucinich our president for life. I think you'll agree, Greg, that that's an image that even Oprah Winfrey couldn't repair.

A friend from Chicago hopes the general election comes down to Fred Thompson for the Republicans and Dennis Kucinich for the Democrats. He favors those candidates because both have - and I'll quote him directly on this - "hot wives.''

I view this hot wife criteria as only slightly more shallow than deciding whom to vote for based on what Sean Penn thinks. At least it's honest.

Other celebrities have weighed in on the candidates. Marie Osmond likes My Guy Mitt Romney, but I don't know if that's enough to allay fears that electing a Mormon will mean we all have to wear special underwear and keep a year's worth of groceries in our basements. (I doubt it. After all, when Kennedy was president, it didn't mean Presbyterians had to eat fish on Fridays.)

And Barbra Streisand has endorsed Your Gal Hillary. I haven't liked Barbra ever since she was so rude to that nice Jane Pauley from Indiana, when Jane innocently mispronounced Barbra's name in an interview. I was so mad at Barbra that I threw away my "Superman'' album. Sometimes I worry about that nice Dr. Kiley, being married to such a person.

Oprah has decided Your Guy Barack Obama is one of her Favorite Things, and My Guy Huckabee is preferred by tough guy Chuck Norris. Big deal.

I've looked and looked, Greg, and haven't found one movie star or famous singer who has endorsed My Real Guy Rudy Giuliani. (Since I took the time to learn how to spell his last name - I before U, which has a nice ring to it - I'm really invested in Rudy. I've got some effort tied up in this deal now.)

Rudy doesn't have any movie star supporters because most movie stars would like to make another movie someday. And the one thing Hollywood can never forgive - just like most newsrooms - is a Republican. I like the idea of a president who isn't beholden to vastly overpaid crybaby Hollywood egomaniacs, fading divas or even popular talk show hosts. Surely you see the sense in this, Greg, and will join me in voting enthusiastically for The Mayor.

In the words of Dennis Miller and Bill O'Reilly, let's light this candle, Greg. What say you?

Yours Truly, Red State Dave

Dear Dave:

You know, I'm starting to get a little worried about you, pardner. You're so desperate to find something positive about Rudy Giuliani, you're boiling the desiccated bones of the Thanksgiving turkey in the hope of making soup - in this case, trying to make the point that because Rudy doesn't have any celebrity endorsements he's somehow better than the rest of the pack who do.

It isn't the fact that Hollywood hates a Republican, Dave. If that were true, Ronald Reagan (your hero and a Great American) and Arnold Schwarzenegger (another Great American) would have spent their twilight years playing the crazy uncle in cut-rate adventure movies. But you know how that turned out and, as I recall, they both had lots of celebrity friends and endorsements.

The fact is no celebrities have endorsed Giuliani (I agree with you that endorsements from the likes of Sean Penn and Barbra Streisand are not necessarily, in the words of Great American Martha Stewart, a "good thing") because they don't like him.

You have to figure that in spite of the fact that Giuliani's one big claim to fame is his "heroic" response in the days after 9/11, so many New York City firefighters can't be wrong. A lot of them died in the 9/11 attacks, and they hate Rudy for what they call his "disgraceful lack of respect" toward them.

I don't know about you, but I'd listen to one heroic fireman opine about a candidate's fitness for office before I'd listen to a dozen Sean Penns, Martin Sheens, Barbra Streisands or even Oprahs. Those people are, as you say, vastly overpaid egomaniacs, but throngs of New York City firefighters are horses of a different color.

But even so, I notice you've craftily neglected to mention the one celebrity endorsement Rudy Giuliani has received so far. Two words for you, Dave: PAT ROBERTSON. You didn't miss that one, did you?

As far as weird celebrity endorsements go, Pat Robertson endorsing Rudy Giuliani is the proverbial bottle of Scotch at a Mormon picnic, my conservative friend. This is a guy whose wacky statements only get more outrageous as he gets older.

Remember, this is the nut job who said then-Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine punishment for dividing God's land. This is the lunatic who very recently said deadly ice storms in the Midwest were God's revenge on America for getting involved in peace talks between Israel and Palestine. And you know what he said about 9/11 and the Almighty lifting his hand of protection because we deserve to be punished.

Now, this is the guy who - putting all that inconvenient "freedom of choice" business aside - says we ought to vote for Rudy Giuliani as president because he'll be tough on terror.

You have to wonder how mad he thinks God would have to be at America to let Rudy Giuliani win the White House, Dave. I'm thinking he'd have to be seriously p@#$%ed off.

Cheers and salutations

Blue State Greg

You can reach Greg Bean at gbean @gmnews.

com. Dave Simpson can be reached at

d_simpson@bresnan.net.