What women want isn't that hard to figure out
CLARE MARIE CELANO Girl Talk
If Sigmund Freud had taken a little more time and gently asked women what they really wanted, rather than probing and plumbing their psyches, he quite possibly could have changed the course of history.

What do women want? At least in an intimate relationship?

I make no claims to be an expert of any kind. I have no initials next to my name that say I have any credentials that allow me to make judgments on this very important question.

But I have been a part of enough girl "powwows," enough crying fests, enough spilling of women's guts, creative or otherwise, to know that my desires, my hopes, my dreams are very much like those of my girlfriends. Therefore, I boldly assume that women are all, in some way, connected to many of the same desires, at least emotionally and spiritually.

I know what makes us smile; I know what make us laugh. I know what touches our souls and melts our hearts. I know what we cry over, what burns our hearts, breaks our spirits and changes our satin softness to molten lava and impenetrable steel.

Some men I've known have labeled women as complicated or confusing creatures. From Freud on down, men do not seem to have a clue as to what makes us tick.

Oh, they'll freely admit that they know what turns us on, how to touch, how to kiss, how to love our bodies to make us feel and respond as though some wonderful incendiary device has just exploded inside us.

Why then do they seem to have so much trouble relating to us after the lovin', is my question?

Do men really want to know what we want or who we really are? Or are they in fact, scared to death that asking such a loaded question would be akin to the scene in that Dirty Harry movie when Clint Eastwood (as Harry Callahan) poses the question that has been tossed around by so many since?

"The question you have to ask yourself is, do you feel lucky today?"

So here we go, guys. What do we really want? I don't think it is all that difficult for a man to please his woman.

Yes, we do want to be held after the lovin', if you know what I mean, even though we know this is not a thought that thrills many of you. We know men don't come equipped with the cuddling gene like we do. But a compromise somewhere in between your 30 seconds and our 30 minutes would be nice.

And, yes, we want you to hold us when we're falling apart for any number of reasons. Whether it is a bad day at the office, something much worse, or even nothing particular at all, just a cyclical trick of Mother Nature, we may react the same way - we cry. Yes, guys, that's what we do. This is not meant to harm you, scare you or send you off to parts unknown. It is simply our way of letting you know we are hurting at the moment, and the fact that your holding us seems to ease that hurt is probably one of the highest compliments we can give you.

Do hold our hands when we're out in public let people know we're important to you. Offer us stimulating conversation, tell us we're great wives or great girlfriends, and tell your friends as well. Tell us we made you laugh when maybe you didn't think you could at a particular time, or that we lifted your spirits when maybe those spirits were not in such a great place. Tell us you love and respect us. And do cherish our feelings. Tell us that our partnership with you brings you immeasurable joy. Tell us you love the way we sing off-key, or the way we ramble on incessantly and take 20 minutes to say what you would have said in two. And that you love our flaws, as well as our strengths and that we're gorgeous inside and out. Encourage us to take risks, and then please tell us it's OK even when we screw up.

Share things that are important to you, those that make you feel happy, and those that make you feel sad.

These are the things that make a woman feel loved.

I had originally intended to open this subject up for discussion with some of my close girlfriends, but the first one I asked summed up the answer so simply and so gracefully I didn't need any more data.

"What do women really want?" I asked her.

"To be loved for who we are," she said easily, and then repeated it for emphasis. "To be loved for who we are."

So maybe to be seen for who and what we are, as well as what we are not, and loved either because of it or in spite of it, is the answer to what women really want.

One of my favorite artists, Billy Joel, sings the words I think many women would love to hear from the man they love.

Don't go changing to try to please me, You never let me down before,

Don't imagine you're too familiar,

And I don't see you anymore ...

I said I love you and that's forever,

And this I promise from the heart, I couldn't love you any better, I love you just the way you are.

Thank you, Billy.

Yup. Just the way we are. Just the way we are.

Clare Marie Celano is a staff writer for Greater Media Newspapers. She can be reached at ccelano@gmnews.com.